Labor and Deliverance

I really think I have a touch of PTSD. That's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Tuesday and Wednesday morning were perhaps some of the longest, most emotional hours of my life. Birthmama was admitted to the hospital on Monday night to start the process of induction. That evening she had a medication to soften the cervix, but no labor happening. We went back to the hotel to sleep and she slept well, too. (after her nurse suggested Ambien, most likely because she was driving the nurse CRAZY!) I should have split it with C, because I couldn't sleep worth anything. When I got to the hospital Tuesday morning, she was very groggy and out of it.

Tuesday started with Pitocin, the medication to start stronger and harder contractions. Before she was allowed an epidural, C was horrible. No other way to put it. She made her nurse cry and eventually refuse to take care of her, treated all who came into her room like her personal servants, and made it known to us all that she was in a lot of pain and also HUNGRY! At one point after the pit was started, the nurse told her that the baby's heartrate was going down after the contractions. When the possibility of a C-section was raised to try to persuade C to wear the oxygen mask....well....let's just say all hell broke loose. C pretty much told us, with several expletives, that she would not be having a C-section NO MATTER WHAT. She was very adamant about this. At that point, I excused myself from her bedside, went to the nurse's station, and lost it. I could not handle it for that moment that my baby's health or life could be at risk due to her decisions and didn't know how that would be handled if she really did need a C-section, but refused. The nurses were awesome. The one who resigned earlier cried right along with me and said she had never been treated so poorly by a patient in her 19 years of being a nurse. Those sweet women talked me down from the ledge, and one bravely went back into the room with me, and talked C down from her own ledge.

Honestly, I don't even want to relive the rest of it by writing about it. So let's just say that the remainder of that day was more of the same. When the resident tried to break her waters twice, unsuccessfully, I knew we were in trouble. He made the decision at about 6 pm that since she was stalled at 5 cm dilated, with a thick cervix, we'd stop the medication, sleep on it, and wait until morning to start again. As I was leaving to head back to the hotel, C told me she did not want the nurses to have my phone number on her chart. I had given it to them previously so they could reach us if anything happened while we were out. Of course this made me nervous that she had changed her mind. Mitch and I drove back to the hotel, sobbing, cursing, and pretty much ready to get on an airplane and head back to our lives. Without the baby. It was too much drama and we were feeling less sure than ever that this was going to actually happen (placement AND delivery!!) We went back and totally crashed in our hotel room, not knowing how we'd have the energy to go back and do it again on Wednesday.

But we did. By the time we arrived, C's water was broken and progress was being made! She was quiet, but not abusive, so that was positive. Her nurse was wonderful. Within about four hours, she was ready to push. Rookie doc showed up just in time. He only did a few things that made me nervous, so I was happy when his attending turned up to supervise. I had the privelege of holding a leg and counting with the pushes. Within 3, baby was out! The nurses were so great and assumed I'd cut the cord, which I did. Nevermind that the rookie doc clamped it at about 6 inches long!! (not kidding, I have pictures). The nurse told me privately not to worry; she'd take care of it later, which she has :) They gave me his footprints on a receiving blanket and I was the first one to hold that precious boy. He was perfectly healthy and bright eyed. He even peed all over his face about 5 minutes after birth. It was wonderful. I got to hold him for quite a while as C was getting cleaned up. She then held him and I wish I had a better picture of that moment. The look on her face was beautiful. Poor Mitch was in the hallway this whole time, wondering what was happening....Eventually he was able to come in and meet baby and give C a big hug. Love that man.

C's request was to have a few hours alone with her son before we did. We happily obliged and returned later to hold and snuggle him. Since that time yesterday, we have had several hours with him, but always at C's bedside. Her disposition yesterday afternoon was great. She was back to the feisty, but pleasant, C that I have come to know. There have been moments since then that have been,shall we say, dramatic? Over all, however, we do feel that she is sticking with her decision to have us parent this baby.

I am tired just reliving the last few days and haven't even given all the details. Truth really is stranger than fiction. For now, though, am trusting God. Period. Not trusting that He'll make it work out so we get the baby forever, nor that C will turn her life around or that her other kids will have bright futures. Just trusting that He is good. Whatever happens in the end, I know that is true, and that we have been here in Indiana for important reasons.