So what now?
A few things have been clear. Our family is a family of eight. It's really difficult to speak that out loud. Not because I have a burning desire for more children or feel as though we would even have more to give as parents....But because there are many children RIGHT NOW that need parents. I would be so very happy to talk to anyone about adoption, and specifically a little guy named Joshua that lived with our kids in Haiti...http://reecesrainbow.org/22146/josiah. We, and several other families, are committed to finding him a home--- including helping financially and with fundraising. He already has a sizeable grant through Reece's Rainbow.
Here's where we believe God is leading us. We will support adopting families in any way that we can. Be it with information, a shoulder to cry on, or fundraising. We are there. All in because we have traveled that journey. We will also be a support to families after the children come home,to the best of our ability. We know the feeling of being thrown into a deep pit when parenting little strangers who have traumatic backgrounds. We also know the sheer beauty of the little strangers turning into sons and daughters and the relief you feel when you realize the sun is shining again.
We have thought about and searched for a way we can use our skill sets and personalities to help prevent children from becoming orphans in the first place. To consider that mamas and daddies around the world are just like us in many ways, and need to be able to raise their children with dignity. We have tried to consider the tough stuff, but I'm sure we will still make mistakes and fail along the way. But the fear of that cannot prevent action. What we have absolutely wanted to avoid is treating anyone else as though we are somehow the saviors or hold all the power in a relationship. In looking at different organizations, we have tried our best to take that into account.
Mitch is a business guy. Has the full credentials,even-- MBA and CPA. Would be a total nerd alert if he weren't so personable, funny, and able to carry on in a social setting fairly well. I am a nurse practitioner, but also have this weird draw to business. I like to analyze things and think about marketing strategy, etc. I've also always really liked clothes and style and being just a little bit different when it comes to my expression of my personality through what I wear. Always having felt a little guilty about this part of me, I think I've come to reconcile that it is OK to wear beautiful things and express ourselves through style. What I HAVE been convicted about is that I really need to know where my clothing and jewelry are made and by whom. Unfortunately I've discovered (maybe late in the game) that if I'm getting a stellar deal, someone along the way has probably been exploited. Through friends and blogs and other research, I am realizing that we really do have power in what we purchase.
So all of the swirling thoughts above have kind of melded into one focus for right now. And it's a beautiful company called Noonday Collection. I first heard about Noonday while we were in process to adopt from Haiti. Honestly I cannot remember where, but I think it was through another adopting family's blog. The more I have read about and researched Noonday, the more respect and love I have for this company. You see, Noonday was started a few years ago initially as an adoption fundraiser. It has grown into so much more than that, however,and is now striving to give a global market to extremely gifted artisans around the world. These artisans have been in vulnerable places of poverty and benefit from fair wages and community development through Noonday. Through Noonday they are given an audience for their craft and dignified work. This is providing sustainable change for families and communities. And there are no doubt some parents who are able to now raise their children rather than place them for adoption due to the steady income that Noonday has provided.
I have come to a place of wanting to invest in business like this. To use my buying power to help create a pathway out of poverty for vulnerable people whose artistry amazes me. I want to partner with a business like this that gives these artisans the business savvy of someone who went to the best business school in this country (the co-CEO). To join with other people and market these gorgeous products in places where they do not have a voice.
So, friends, that's where you can join me, too. Noonday is sold primarily through trunk shows. Noonday trunk shows are all about seeing the artisans' craftsmanship and hearing their stories. I absolutely LOVE wearing something and knowing the story of a real woman or man who touched and crafted that piece.
If you are interested in hosting a trunk show or hearing more about Noonday, please email me at karamenning.noonday@yahoo.com or private message me through facebook. If you would like to attend a trunk show, there are several coming up. Buying online is also an option, but not nearly as much fun :). If you are in the process of adopting, Noonday provides fundraising opportunities and I would love to talk more with you about that, as well. I'm really excited about this and it has been so energizing for me to think about how I can best help give a market to and promote these items here in Utah. I welcome any questions or thoughts, friends.
I am so happy to be giving away a $50 gift voucher to purchase anything you would like from my site!
To enter, all you need to do is comment here on which Noonday piece is your favorite and why. I'll select a winner at random one week from today. And if you haven't already, get on the blog train, friends! There's still lots of time to win gorgeous items from some of the most amazing women I have met via their blogs. You can visit Lindsey's blog post from yesterday and don't forget to check out Miriam's post tomorrow for more chances at free gorgeousness!
Ok, friends, let me know your faves! You have one week to check out my Noonday site and comment below for a chance at a $50 Noonday Collection gift voucher!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
What Comes Next: Part I
Adoption will make you think about things. Things that you never really considered much and would maybe prefer not to dwell on. Our family has spent about two years in the process of adopting over the past three years. It gives you a lot of time to think….
Our belief in Jesus and attempt to follow him make it an absolute that we will do what we can to “care for orphans and widows in their distress.” So far for us, that has meant adopting. We adopted one of our little guys as an infant, here in the States. We spent some time with his birthmother and her daughter. We heard her story firsthand about why she was placing him in our family. I stood next to her while she whispered, “He needs a daddy,” as we watched the hospital photographer take pictures of Mitch and the baby that felt like he belonged to us all… It took me months to really feel like his mama and to not think about his birthmother every single time I studied his face. I grieved for her loss, which was our great gain.
Our next two children came to us from Haiti. The process was long and a bit unconventional as far as the kids being placed in the care center. One of our children was there since infancy, and the other only placed after a family was found to adopt them both. We asked many questions before accepting a referral. Was every attempt made to keep them with their birthmother? Does she understand this is permanent? Are you SURE this is what she wants for them? The answers were given and we felt peace about accepting the referral for our daughter and son. As much as “peace” can be mixed with grief and anger at injustice, and guilt about our ability to choose to be these kids’ mama and daddy….We brought the kids home eight months ago. And not a day goes by that I don’t think about their birthmother.
Orphan care. It means so much more than adopting. As we have struggled and shouted and cried through this messy/beautiful, our family has been convinced and convicted. We are convinced that our three “littles” needed to be adopted. Had intervention been in place for their birthmothers years before their births, the outcome may have been different. But for these kids, at this time….. it is the right thing for them to be in a family—OUR family. And we are so very blessed!
But we were also convicted about a year into our Haitian adoptions. My husband could give you the precise dollar amount and probably a good estimate on the time invested to pursue adopting. And all of it – every last bit--- completely and totally worth it! This is a topic for another post, but I think there is much good that can come from an adoption process costing us time and money and lots of it.
We were convicted, however, that this call to care for the oppressed, for the widow and orphan…. It’s a both/and type of thing. There are women right now that absolutely need to have the choice to place their children in a family other than their own. And I honor that decision. There are children right now that are legally free to be adopted, both here and abroad. There is a need for parents to adopt. Now.
But we cannot ignore that there are things to be done before a mother or child get to that point. So through our adoptions we have talked with people “on the ground,” read many books on the matter, engaged in difficult conversations, and prayed a whole lot. And we believe that God is asking us to invest as much time and money into orphan PREVENTION as we have invested into bringing our three children into our families.
More to come on what that will look like for our family and how you can help….
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Beautiful Things {Keeping It Real}
Deep breath. I've said that to myself countless times over the past 7 months. Without doubt, these 7 months have been the hardest of my life. But they've also been the most beautiful, colored all over with God's artistry. Stuff only He can pull off.
Adoption has a couple of different reputations. In my world there are the friends that call us "altruistic" or "noble," neither of which we are on most days. There are those that find us crazy and maybe even irresponsible for attempting to raise six children well, some of whom have traumatic backgrounds. We are also very grateful to have friends that have walked this road, too, and are still walking (stumbling?) right along with us. Those that can understand that there is ALWAYS much pain and suffering with adoption, no matter the circumstance.
Seven months ago we were attempting to parent these two little strangers. Truth be told, they did not feel like my children at the time. I felt like I was babysitting, and honestly I don't really have a lot of patience for other people's kids. I wanted to instantly fall in love with them, but found myself going through the motions, praying that the day would come when I would attach to them and feel like their mama. I missed my four other children terribly when we were in Haiti. Worrying about what we were doing to their stable lives kept me up at night. Maybe the naysayers who think we are irresponsible are right? Really all I had to do was think about how we were led to this place, to these children.... and I knew in my bones this was right. But sometimes what our head knows and what our heart feels don't quite match up.
While in Haiti, little guy would go from snuggling with us close and sucking his thumb to backing away from us, crying. He didn't know how to give a kiss. He barely spoke. While his chronological age was almost 3, he acted much more like an 18 month old in a lot of ways. Little lady was... well... just like we had been told she would be :). A little pistol/firecracker and smart as a whip. She took care of her little brother and I really believe things have gone easier for us because they have each other.
Flying home with two stranger/children is interesting.... We were so grateful that despite the long waits in security lines and airports, they really did pretty well. Getting to Florida felt like a big step. We made it through immigration without a hitch.... except for little lady running behind the counter and down the hallway. They didn't love that so much :). She also used the bathroom in the immigration office. Her giggle when the toilet flushed automatically is something I'll never forget!
We stayed in a hotel for a couple of nights and were able to meet up with my brother and his family. What a sweet gift to be able to see family and know that they understood. Understood that when a full on tantrum occurred while changing little lady's clothes it was "normal." Understood that we were completely exhausted in every way you can be and that putting a complete thought together was a chore. Understood that we were just getting started with a really tough journey that could last a lifetime.
We got to our house a couple of days later. I have NEVER been so happy to be in my own home. Just needed something familiar and safe, I think, when a lot of other things felt really out of control. Seeing our four other kids again brought me to tears.
And then...
Real life happened. The new normal. I will be vague and brief, wanting to respect my children's privacy, but the next several months were extremely difficult. The three littles weren't sleeping well, little guy wanted to only be held. All day. Little lady would go from flying around the house to losing her mind over something very small to "zoning out." We were concerned and exhausted and upset with ourselves for being so selfish much of the time. I couldn't imagine ever actually cooking dinner again. Thankfully people provided us dinner for a really long time. So grateful for that huge, enormous way people stepped in to help us transition.
Much of my days were spent sitting on the couch with three kids, watching "Over the Hedge." (why they love that movie so much, I'm not sure. But it definitely could have been worse... :) ). Truly the only way we made it was with the help of our family and village of friends.
In the midst of all of the above, the kids were cute, and smart, and silly. And we were falling more and more in love with them by the day. They started to feel like they were mine! Getting to know your children at ages 3 and 5 is interesting. Before we knew it, little man was not only talking, but could name all his letters and shapes! He totally learned this from watching hours of Super Why, but I refuse to feel guilty :). Little lady was able to go to preschool and not scream when we left her. Sure she acted like Gollum and whispered "my precious" in a creepy voice to my big kids' friends.... but so what?! (It is the big kids' fault, anyway. Clearly they taught her that...)
Fast forward to this week. And I'm skipping a whoooooole lot here...
This week little lady is in school. She goes all day, three days per week. And she loves it! She comes home and tells me all about what they are learning. A friend of hers wants her over for a playdate! I think she is actually able to sit on the rug during school and listen! You guys, this is all so huge. Huge. And she sleeps all night in her bed. She even got up on her own the other night to use the bathroom, then went back to bed by herself without even coming to our room. Amazing.
And little man is also in school two mornings a week. He and his brother act all big and put their backpacks in a locker. He waves to me and says, "bye, mom!" at drop off and runs to me with a huge smile when I pick him up. Yesterday he was singing two different songs that he learned at school. And.... he has slept through the night twice in a row!
The siblings are acting like real siblings now. They love each other and argue like real siblings do. The new kids are treated less like a novelty and more like the sometimes adorable/sometimes annoying little siblings that they are :). You guys, we actually have been sitting down at the table with all 9 of us (including my dad) and eating food THAT I COOKED!! Never mind that it is loud and crazy and that usually someone spills their drink or possibly throws something.
The point is: We are a family. We really are. There are still super hard things every single day, without exception. But I don't miss my "old life" any more. All six of these crazies are my kids and I love them with every fiber in me. We are making it, with a lot of help from our family and friends and a huge and sovereign God who is making beautiful things out of dust and ashes.
And there's no other life I'd rather be living.
Adoption has a couple of different reputations. In my world there are the friends that call us "altruistic" or "noble," neither of which we are on most days. There are those that find us crazy and maybe even irresponsible for attempting to raise six children well, some of whom have traumatic backgrounds. We are also very grateful to have friends that have walked this road, too, and are still walking (stumbling?) right along with us. Those that can understand that there is ALWAYS much pain and suffering with adoption, no matter the circumstance.
Seven months ago we were attempting to parent these two little strangers. Truth be told, they did not feel like my children at the time. I felt like I was babysitting, and honestly I don't really have a lot of patience for other people's kids. I wanted to instantly fall in love with them, but found myself going through the motions, praying that the day would come when I would attach to them and feel like their mama. I missed my four other children terribly when we were in Haiti. Worrying about what we were doing to their stable lives kept me up at night. Maybe the naysayers who think we are irresponsible are right? Really all I had to do was think about how we were led to this place, to these children.... and I knew in my bones this was right. But sometimes what our head knows and what our heart feels don't quite match up.
While in Haiti, little guy would go from snuggling with us close and sucking his thumb to backing away from us, crying. He didn't know how to give a kiss. He barely spoke. While his chronological age was almost 3, he acted much more like an 18 month old in a lot of ways. Little lady was... well... just like we had been told she would be :). A little pistol/firecracker and smart as a whip. She took care of her little brother and I really believe things have gone easier for us because they have each other.
Flying home with two stranger/children is interesting.... We were so grateful that despite the long waits in security lines and airports, they really did pretty well. Getting to Florida felt like a big step. We made it through immigration without a hitch.... except for little lady running behind the counter and down the hallway. They didn't love that so much :). She also used the bathroom in the immigration office. Her giggle when the toilet flushed automatically is something I'll never forget!
We stayed in a hotel for a couple of nights and were able to meet up with my brother and his family. What a sweet gift to be able to see family and know that they understood. Understood that when a full on tantrum occurred while changing little lady's clothes it was "normal." Understood that we were completely exhausted in every way you can be and that putting a complete thought together was a chore. Understood that we were just getting started with a really tough journey that could last a lifetime.
We got to our house a couple of days later. I have NEVER been so happy to be in my own home. Just needed something familiar and safe, I think, when a lot of other things felt really out of control. Seeing our four other kids again brought me to tears.
And then...
Real life happened. The new normal. I will be vague and brief, wanting to respect my children's privacy, but the next several months were extremely difficult. The three littles weren't sleeping well, little guy wanted to only be held. All day. Little lady would go from flying around the house to losing her mind over something very small to "zoning out." We were concerned and exhausted and upset with ourselves for being so selfish much of the time. I couldn't imagine ever actually cooking dinner again. Thankfully people provided us dinner for a really long time. So grateful for that huge, enormous way people stepped in to help us transition.
Much of my days were spent sitting on the couch with three kids, watching "Over the Hedge." (why they love that movie so much, I'm not sure. But it definitely could have been worse... :) ). Truly the only way we made it was with the help of our family and village of friends.
In the midst of all of the above, the kids were cute, and smart, and silly. And we were falling more and more in love with them by the day. They started to feel like they were mine! Getting to know your children at ages 3 and 5 is interesting. Before we knew it, little man was not only talking, but could name all his letters and shapes! He totally learned this from watching hours of Super Why, but I refuse to feel guilty :). Little lady was able to go to preschool and not scream when we left her. Sure she acted like Gollum and whispered "my precious" in a creepy voice to my big kids' friends.... but so what?! (It is the big kids' fault, anyway. Clearly they taught her that...)
Fast forward to this week. And I'm skipping a whoooooole lot here...
This week little lady is in school. She goes all day, three days per week. And she loves it! She comes home and tells me all about what they are learning. A friend of hers wants her over for a playdate! I think she is actually able to sit on the rug during school and listen! You guys, this is all so huge. Huge. And she sleeps all night in her bed. She even got up on her own the other night to use the bathroom, then went back to bed by herself without even coming to our room. Amazing.
And little man is also in school two mornings a week. He and his brother act all big and put their backpacks in a locker. He waves to me and says, "bye, mom!" at drop off and runs to me with a huge smile when I pick him up. Yesterday he was singing two different songs that he learned at school. And.... he has slept through the night twice in a row!
The siblings are acting like real siblings now. They love each other and argue like real siblings do. The new kids are treated less like a novelty and more like the sometimes adorable/sometimes annoying little siblings that they are :). You guys, we actually have been sitting down at the table with all 9 of us (including my dad) and eating food THAT I COOKED!! Never mind that it is loud and crazy and that usually someone spills their drink or possibly throws something.
The point is: We are a family. We really are. There are still super hard things every single day, without exception. But I don't miss my "old life" any more. All six of these crazies are my kids and I love them with every fiber in me. We are making it, with a lot of help from our family and friends and a huge and sovereign God who is making beautiful things out of dust and ashes.
And there's no other life I'd rather be living.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
To Haiti And Back: Part 3
We landed and made our way into the little airport-- with air conditioning that felt GREAT!. As we exited through the front, we saw one of the staff members from COTP on the other side of the gate. We recognized him from the COTP site pictures and were relieved that he was there and waiting for us.
After introductions, we hopped into the COTP pickup truck and started on the bumpy journey to see the kids. We spent most of the time talking with Adam and getting updated on the goings on at COTP. He explained that they were having an all staff meeting at the moment, so the short term volunteers were in charge of all the kids. He also cautioned us that Cyndi and Lou should not know that we are their parents. Cyndi, especially, is very perceptive and we would need to be extremely careful to not let on that we have a special bond to her and Lou. I knew that would be really difficult for us when all we really wanted to do was scoop them up and tell them how much we love them! That we were coming for them as soon as we are able and that they have a whole family that cannot wait to meet them and love them, too.
Adam took us on a tour of the compound after we arrived. We got a little bit oriented to the place and were able to meet a couple of staff members whom we had received updates from over the past year. What a sweet gift to be able to hug their necks and thank them for taking pictures, writing updates, and loving our kids!
Eventually we went over to the baby house and entered through the large gates. There were about 40 children there, but the face we saw first was also a gift. As we walked in, Natalie turned around and looked straight at us. Natalie, who's face led us to this place a year ago. Natalie, our friends' daughter. Just like God to have her precious face to be the first one we saw when entering through those gates :) I honestly can't remember the exact moments that we saw our two for the first time. There were so very many faces all at once...
The baby house is hard. It's loud and there's lots of crying and saggy, leaky diapers. The short term volunteers were doing their best to entertain and console the little ones, while the big ones (including Cyndi) were scaling the gates and letting themselves out repeatedly. At one point they found a pile of uncooked black beans. Cyndi grabbed up most of them and then handed them out, two by two, to other children and to us. It was so fun (and a little scary!) to see her strong personality coming through as she was the clear leader in the bunch. I held two children almost all the time and felt so powerless when they would cry immediately after I had to put them down. Lou did this, too, and it broke my heart that I couldn't just cuddle him and take him out of those gates with and be his mama. I saw some things that I've read about and feared for them as far as attachment goes. And I just wanted to get on with it--- help them attach to us. But instead I found myself needing to keep distance from them because it was too hard to not treat them differently. Cyndi, especially, seemed like she was sizing us up. After a few hours of time with all the kids, I just had to get out and take a break.
The grounds are beautiful with a huge mango tree right in the middle. We were given a nice bedroom, with our own bathroom, to stay in overnight. In the evening we ate with the staff, then headed to the baby house to help with brushing teeth. Cyndi was riding a tricycle around and started running into people. I kindly asked her to stop and she gave me the biggest glare! We are seriously in trouble. I got glares and the cold shoulder from her for about 20 minutes after that!
On this night the kids watched some videos before bed and then was prayer and singing with the nannies. It was very fun to hear the nannies singing in Creole, along with the kids and staff. How I wish I knew Creole! (I'm working on it...) The children went to their rooms for bed and we went back to the volunteer house, wishing with everything that they were coming with us to our room instead of sleeping on their plastic cots. We spent a little time talking with the staff and short term volunteers and then headed to bed ourselves. I was totally exhausted emotionally, and slept really well. My good husband, however, told me in the morning that he heard the voodoo drums from the village during the night and couldn't quite get back to sleep after that.
The next day we spent more time with the many of the children. You guys, Cyndi and Lou are just amazing. Lou is a snuggler who has his thumb in his mouth almost all the time. We now wonder if he wasn't feeling well while we were there because he did not want to play much--- which let me enjoy holding him close for a good, long while. Cyndi is smart and beautiful and full of sass. We were able to play with her and some of the older children on the playground and marveled at their resourcefulness in playing with whatever items were available to them. Wow. It's harder than I thought to write about the kids...... I guess I'll just say that we are completely overwhelmed that we get to be their parents. We are honored at the privelege. You will all get to someday see what we are talking about.....you will absolutely fall in love with them :)
It was our joy to spend a couple of hours with the special needs children, helping to feed them and participate in their stretching routines and interactive time with their nannies. One little boy, in particular, had already captured us before we got there-- and it was wonderful and heartbreaking to get to help care for him. These kids need families, and therapy, and medication, and services that would be theirs if only they were born in a different country....We left even more committed to praying and fundraising and advocating for these lovelies.
We didn't say goodbye to our kids. In fact we spent the last couple of hours at the compound with the staff rather than the children. It was just too hard for us to be with them and not be their parents. It's hard to explain. The time came to get into the tap tap (back of a pickup with little benches to sit on) and ride back to the little airport. It wasn't as hard as I thought it might be to leave those gates and the kids behind. In retrospect, I think I put the kids in a "box" in my mind. My way of coping, I guess. I didn't break down until the next day at the US Embassy.
There are many more details and fun stories that I could tell. But for today, as I write this, I just can't. Putting our trip into words, finally, has me a little weary of this journey. We could still have many months to wait, and it's not a surprise to us. Going into this process, it was made clear that it could take a couple of years. I can see glimpses of the wisdom God has in this wait at times. There are ways our family has needed to change, and grow, and be stretched. Ways that will better equip us to be Cyndi and Lou's family. I can't claim to understand why our children need to live in an orphanage while we are ready and waiting for them here. But I DO trust that there is some kind of plan. I have to believe that.
I do know that the kids are healthy and safe within the care of Children of the Promise. I know they are amazing and that one day we will get to bring that amazing-ness into our family! The weight of that joy and responsibility can threaten to overwhelm us at times, so the only place to go is to our great God who really does provide for our every need, and gives wisdom when we ask. And believe me, there's been a lot of asking lately...
After introductions, we hopped into the COTP pickup truck and started on the bumpy journey to see the kids. We spent most of the time talking with Adam and getting updated on the goings on at COTP. He explained that they were having an all staff meeting at the moment, so the short term volunteers were in charge of all the kids. He also cautioned us that Cyndi and Lou should not know that we are their parents. Cyndi, especially, is very perceptive and we would need to be extremely careful to not let on that we have a special bond to her and Lou. I knew that would be really difficult for us when all we really wanted to do was scoop them up and tell them how much we love them! That we were coming for them as soon as we are able and that they have a whole family that cannot wait to meet them and love them, too.
Adam took us on a tour of the compound after we arrived. We got a little bit oriented to the place and were able to meet a couple of staff members whom we had received updates from over the past year. What a sweet gift to be able to hug their necks and thank them for taking pictures, writing updates, and loving our kids!
Eventually we went over to the baby house and entered through the large gates. There were about 40 children there, but the face we saw first was also a gift. As we walked in, Natalie turned around and looked straight at us. Natalie, who's face led us to this place a year ago. Natalie, our friends' daughter. Just like God to have her precious face to be the first one we saw when entering through those gates :) I honestly can't remember the exact moments that we saw our two for the first time. There were so very many faces all at once...
The baby house is hard. It's loud and there's lots of crying and saggy, leaky diapers. The short term volunteers were doing their best to entertain and console the little ones, while the big ones (including Cyndi) were scaling the gates and letting themselves out repeatedly. At one point they found a pile of uncooked black beans. Cyndi grabbed up most of them and then handed them out, two by two, to other children and to us. It was so fun (and a little scary!) to see her strong personality coming through as she was the clear leader in the bunch. I held two children almost all the time and felt so powerless when they would cry immediately after I had to put them down. Lou did this, too, and it broke my heart that I couldn't just cuddle him and take him out of those gates with and be his mama. I saw some things that I've read about and feared for them as far as attachment goes. And I just wanted to get on with it--- help them attach to us. But instead I found myself needing to keep distance from them because it was too hard to not treat them differently. Cyndi, especially, seemed like she was sizing us up. After a few hours of time with all the kids, I just had to get out and take a break.
The grounds are beautiful with a huge mango tree right in the middle. We were given a nice bedroom, with our own bathroom, to stay in overnight. In the evening we ate with the staff, then headed to the baby house to help with brushing teeth. Cyndi was riding a tricycle around and started running into people. I kindly asked her to stop and she gave me the biggest glare! We are seriously in trouble. I got glares and the cold shoulder from her for about 20 minutes after that!
On this night the kids watched some videos before bed and then was prayer and singing with the nannies. It was very fun to hear the nannies singing in Creole, along with the kids and staff. How I wish I knew Creole! (I'm working on it...) The children went to their rooms for bed and we went back to the volunteer house, wishing with everything that they were coming with us to our room instead of sleeping on their plastic cots. We spent a little time talking with the staff and short term volunteers and then headed to bed ourselves. I was totally exhausted emotionally, and slept really well. My good husband, however, told me in the morning that he heard the voodoo drums from the village during the night and couldn't quite get back to sleep after that.
The next day we spent more time with the many of the children. You guys, Cyndi and Lou are just amazing. Lou is a snuggler who has his thumb in his mouth almost all the time. We now wonder if he wasn't feeling well while we were there because he did not want to play much--- which let me enjoy holding him close for a good, long while. Cyndi is smart and beautiful and full of sass. We were able to play with her and some of the older children on the playground and marveled at their resourcefulness in playing with whatever items were available to them. Wow. It's harder than I thought to write about the kids...... I guess I'll just say that we are completely overwhelmed that we get to be their parents. We are honored at the privelege. You will all get to someday see what we are talking about.....you will absolutely fall in love with them :)
It was our joy to spend a couple of hours with the special needs children, helping to feed them and participate in their stretching routines and interactive time with their nannies. One little boy, in particular, had already captured us before we got there-- and it was wonderful and heartbreaking to get to help care for him. These kids need families, and therapy, and medication, and services that would be theirs if only they were born in a different country....We left even more committed to praying and fundraising and advocating for these lovelies.
We didn't say goodbye to our kids. In fact we spent the last couple of hours at the compound with the staff rather than the children. It was just too hard for us to be with them and not be their parents. It's hard to explain. The time came to get into the tap tap (back of a pickup with little benches to sit on) and ride back to the little airport. It wasn't as hard as I thought it might be to leave those gates and the kids behind. In retrospect, I think I put the kids in a "box" in my mind. My way of coping, I guess. I didn't break down until the next day at the US Embassy.
There are many more details and fun stories that I could tell. But for today, as I write this, I just can't. Putting our trip into words, finally, has me a little weary of this journey. We could still have many months to wait, and it's not a surprise to us. Going into this process, it was made clear that it could take a couple of years. I can see glimpses of the wisdom God has in this wait at times. There are ways our family has needed to change, and grow, and be stretched. Ways that will better equip us to be Cyndi and Lou's family. I can't claim to understand why our children need to live in an orphanage while we are ready and waiting for them here. But I DO trust that there is some kind of plan. I have to believe that.
I do know that the kids are healthy and safe within the care of Children of the Promise. I know they are amazing and that one day we will get to bring that amazing-ness into our family! The weight of that joy and responsibility can threaten to overwhelm us at times, so the only place to go is to our great God who really does provide for our every need, and gives wisdom when we ask. And believe me, there's been a lot of asking lately...
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
To Haiti and Back: Part Two
So we jumped in the car with Ivinge and the stern looking driver. Pretty soon we were entering the gated area that would be our hotel for the night. It looked nice enough from the outside, but I will admit we were a little giggly that a "2 hour rate" was posted when Ivinge took us to check in. Oh well. We weren't really in a position to have an opinion about where we stayed, so we just went with it.
Ivinge and the woman from the front desk showed us to our room. It felt funny that they both came right into the room, Ivinge checking out the bathroom, etc. before giving his approval that it would work. Our room was fine and honestly, we were so dang tired by this point that we didn't care too much about the details.(such as the painting of a nude woman as the only decoration...) Unsure if we should be using the tap water to brush our teeth, we chanced it and survived :) We had left a deposit for the TV remote control and pretty much just laid on the bed and watched a little TV until we dozed off, again having fitful sleep due to worry we would not wake up for our early morning flight to Cap Haitien.
We did wake up on time and went to the courtyard to meet Ivinge at our agreed upon time....This was our first real life lesson in Haitian time. Having no idea how long it would take us to get to the airport, we were getting antsy. But now we knew how to contact Ivinge! So Mitch called him and all he could really understand from the other end was, "Menning! I'm coming! It's ok." With not much more we could do than trust that it WOULD be ok, we waited. Pretty soon Ivinge walked through the gates and guided us out toward the street. We expected to see stern driver guy but were surprised when, in less than a block of walking, we were at the airport! Still, we were glad to have Ivinge there with us to make sure we got where we needed to go.
The desk at the little airport was pretty funny. There was not so much a line as a mob of people waiting to be helped. No computers. When it was our turn, the guy behind the desk started filing through actual sheets of paper to try to find our reservation. He quickly found Mitch's, but could not find mine..... Luckily I was in lala land at this point so wasn't stressed about it. Mitch was getting a little concerned, but then saw my name on one of the papers and pointed it out to the guy. Our boarding passes were issued and we were good to go. The boarding passes.... well, basically they were two little cards with numbers on them. No names. Nothing to identify that we were the passengers. I am pretty sure I could have given it to anyone sitting outside and they would have been able to get on the flight. Security at the little airport was a little sketchy :)
We sat in the waiting area for quite a while. It was nice to talk to Ivinge a little bit and to hear about his family. We immediately liked Ivinge, but the more time we spent with him, the more clear it was to us that he is the main dude in this whole adoption process. He works very hard to hand deliver paperwork, check in with government agencies, and communicate with COTP and the adoption agencies. We have so much respect for him and are grateful for his calm demeanor and kind personality, especially knowing that he has to constantly deal with us crazy and sometimes obsessed adoptive parents! They finally announced our flight (at least that's what Ivinge told us) so we got up and walked out to the plane. It was small and I have always been fearful of small planes. Feels like you always hear about people dying in little airplane accidents. But here we were about to board one. In Haiti.
Since we had no choice, off we went. It was sort of first come, first served as far as seating. There's no silly rules like in the States as far as baggage and where it's stowed. We just found any old open space and plopped our backpacks there. Mitch's 6'5 body did not really fit in the seat, but somehow he squished in. The flight itself was not too bad, but I did get a bit motion sick. We were so exhausted that I think we even dozed for a few minutes of the short flight. I tried not to imagine the little plane crashing into the mountains we were flying next to....and was even able to appreciate how beautiful it looked from up there!
As we landed in Cap Haitien, all I could think about was that we were going to meet our little ones soon. And I had no idea how I would feel--- would I be an emotional mess? At arm's length with them? Would they gather that we were treating them differently? Would we be just another American couple to them?
Oh, God. Help us to do this well.
Ivinge and the woman from the front desk showed us to our room. It felt funny that they both came right into the room, Ivinge checking out the bathroom, etc. before giving his approval that it would work. Our room was fine and honestly, we were so dang tired by this point that we didn't care too much about the details.(such as the painting of a nude woman as the only decoration...) Unsure if we should be using the tap water to brush our teeth, we chanced it and survived :) We had left a deposit for the TV remote control and pretty much just laid on the bed and watched a little TV until we dozed off, again having fitful sleep due to worry we would not wake up for our early morning flight to Cap Haitien.
We did wake up on time and went to the courtyard to meet Ivinge at our agreed upon time....This was our first real life lesson in Haitian time. Having no idea how long it would take us to get to the airport, we were getting antsy. But now we knew how to contact Ivinge! So Mitch called him and all he could really understand from the other end was, "Menning! I'm coming! It's ok." With not much more we could do than trust that it WOULD be ok, we waited. Pretty soon Ivinge walked through the gates and guided us out toward the street. We expected to see stern driver guy but were surprised when, in less than a block of walking, we were at the airport! Still, we were glad to have Ivinge there with us to make sure we got where we needed to go.
The desk at the little airport was pretty funny. There was not so much a line as a mob of people waiting to be helped. No computers. When it was our turn, the guy behind the desk started filing through actual sheets of paper to try to find our reservation. He quickly found Mitch's, but could not find mine..... Luckily I was in lala land at this point so wasn't stressed about it. Mitch was getting a little concerned, but then saw my name on one of the papers and pointed it out to the guy. Our boarding passes were issued and we were good to go. The boarding passes.... well, basically they were two little cards with numbers on them. No names. Nothing to identify that we were the passengers. I am pretty sure I could have given it to anyone sitting outside and they would have been able to get on the flight. Security at the little airport was a little sketchy :)
We sat in the waiting area for quite a while. It was nice to talk to Ivinge a little bit and to hear about his family. We immediately liked Ivinge, but the more time we spent with him, the more clear it was to us that he is the main dude in this whole adoption process. He works very hard to hand deliver paperwork, check in with government agencies, and communicate with COTP and the adoption agencies. We have so much respect for him and are grateful for his calm demeanor and kind personality, especially knowing that he has to constantly deal with us crazy and sometimes obsessed adoptive parents! They finally announced our flight (at least that's what Ivinge told us) so we got up and walked out to the plane. It was small and I have always been fearful of small planes. Feels like you always hear about people dying in little airplane accidents. But here we were about to board one. In Haiti.
Since we had no choice, off we went. It was sort of first come, first served as far as seating. There's no silly rules like in the States as far as baggage and where it's stowed. We just found any old open space and plopped our backpacks there. Mitch's 6'5 body did not really fit in the seat, but somehow he squished in. The flight itself was not too bad, but I did get a bit motion sick. We were so exhausted that I think we even dozed for a few minutes of the short flight. I tried not to imagine the little plane crashing into the mountains we were flying next to....and was even able to appreciate how beautiful it looked from up there!
As we landed in Cap Haitien, all I could think about was that we were going to meet our little ones soon. And I had no idea how I would feel--- would I be an emotional mess? At arm's length with them? Would they gather that we were treating them differently? Would we be just another American couple to them?
Oh, God. Help us to do this well.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
To Haiti and Back: Part One
This has all been rolling around in my mind since we returned from Haiti on July 28. So much to process. So much to be grateful for. It's so hard to answer people when they ask how the trip was. It was so many things.
The week before we left was a little crazy. For whatever reasons, we were running on little sleep each night, trying to prepare for our trip and doing various other things. I have never been one to feel anxious about , leaving my kids (in fact, I've usually very much looked forward to the break!), but this time I was filled with worry and concern. I think the unknown of it all crept out in my emotions about everything.
Many people expressed their happiness that we were able to go and asked if we were excited. If I was feeling like being truthful, and thought they could handle this answer, I would tell them that we really weren't excited. We wanted to meet the kids, of course. But I knew that leaving them there and returning home with still no idea on when they would be coming home.... it would all be harder. We would not be able to let the kids know that we were their parents (a policy I fully endorse and appreciate), which we knew would be very difficult for us.
We set out early on a Saturday morning, taking our oldest son with us as a very last minute decision. Stopping over at my brother's place in Tampa, our oldest stayed there while we went on to Haiti. Neither of us slept much that night before our flight to Miami and then Port-Au-Prince. We both were a bundle of nerves thinking of all the logistics of the trip, anticipating high-running emotions, and hoping that we'd wake up early enough to catch the taxi to the airport!
We made the flight to Miami and then spent 7 hours waiting for our PAP flight. I honestly don't know what we did with that time. Both of us had books, and thank you cards to write, and I suppose we could have even had conversations with each other. But somehow those hours are all a blur as we waited to board the plane. At the gate there were many different teams of people in matching tshirts. Short term mission trips to Haiti appeared to be popular. We both have been on similar trips and it was really interesting to now have a quite different perspective on that.
Horror stories about the PAP airport had been told, so we were unsure what to expect. On the plane, we ended up sitting next to a guy from the States who has been to Haiti over 100 times. He gave us the inside scoop on how to navigate the airport and it was all rather smooth. Going through immigration was kind of funny. The guy taking our passports did not even look at me, nor the pic in my passport. Stamped it and sent me on my way! After handing our paper to the customs guy, we were off to brave Haiti :).
We easily made our way out of the gates, and no one even harassed us about our bags-- maybe because we had only backpacks. Or maybe because my husband is a very tall man and I told him to "own" his height :) We were to look for someone holding a sign with our last names on it. That would be our attorney/and/or driver. After about 10 minutes of circling the little waiting area by the taxis, we figured something was not right. Luckily, we had phone numbers and had figured out our cell situation while in Haiti! One problem---we didn't know how to effectively dial the numbers to actually complete a phone call...
I was so proud of us that we did not panic or go into "eyeore" mode, as we like to call it. Mitch quickly spotted a Haitian man with the same logo on his shirt that our airplane friend had! Hooray! We approached him and told him we just met Frank. It was as though we had known eachother for years after that. Mitch told him our problem and asked him to dial the number for us, which he did. It worked! We got through! However.... after the call Mitch was totally unsure if it had been communicated clearly that we were actually at the airport and waiting to be picked up. Our new buddy must have sensed this because he said, "Do you want me to call him back and make sure he understands?" Yes, please. And within ten minutes we had met Ivinge, the adoption attorney/adoption tour guide extraordinaire! A smile for miles and the nicest man you'll ever meet. His driver, on the other hand.... let's just say he had a very stern demeanor.....
The week before we left was a little crazy. For whatever reasons, we were running on little sleep each night, trying to prepare for our trip and doing various other things. I have never been one to feel anxious about , leaving my kids (in fact, I've usually very much looked forward to the break!), but this time I was filled with worry and concern. I think the unknown of it all crept out in my emotions about everything.
Many people expressed their happiness that we were able to go and asked if we were excited. If I was feeling like being truthful, and thought they could handle this answer, I would tell them that we really weren't excited. We wanted to meet the kids, of course. But I knew that leaving them there and returning home with still no idea on when they would be coming home.... it would all be harder. We would not be able to let the kids know that we were their parents (a policy I fully endorse and appreciate), which we knew would be very difficult for us.
We set out early on a Saturday morning, taking our oldest son with us as a very last minute decision. Stopping over at my brother's place in Tampa, our oldest stayed there while we went on to Haiti. Neither of us slept much that night before our flight to Miami and then Port-Au-Prince. We both were a bundle of nerves thinking of all the logistics of the trip, anticipating high-running emotions, and hoping that we'd wake up early enough to catch the taxi to the airport!
We made the flight to Miami and then spent 7 hours waiting for our PAP flight. I honestly don't know what we did with that time. Both of us had books, and thank you cards to write, and I suppose we could have even had conversations with each other. But somehow those hours are all a blur as we waited to board the plane. At the gate there were many different teams of people in matching tshirts. Short term mission trips to Haiti appeared to be popular. We both have been on similar trips and it was really interesting to now have a quite different perspective on that.
Horror stories about the PAP airport had been told, so we were unsure what to expect. On the plane, we ended up sitting next to a guy from the States who has been to Haiti over 100 times. He gave us the inside scoop on how to navigate the airport and it was all rather smooth. Going through immigration was kind of funny. The guy taking our passports did not even look at me, nor the pic in my passport. Stamped it and sent me on my way! After handing our paper to the customs guy, we were off to brave Haiti :).
We easily made our way out of the gates, and no one even harassed us about our bags-- maybe because we had only backpacks. Or maybe because my husband is a very tall man and I told him to "own" his height :) We were to look for someone holding a sign with our last names on it. That would be our attorney/and/or driver. After about 10 minutes of circling the little waiting area by the taxis, we figured something was not right. Luckily, we had phone numbers and had figured out our cell situation while in Haiti! One problem---we didn't know how to effectively dial the numbers to actually complete a phone call...
I was so proud of us that we did not panic or go into "eyeore" mode, as we like to call it. Mitch quickly spotted a Haitian man with the same logo on his shirt that our airplane friend had! Hooray! We approached him and told him we just met Frank. It was as though we had known eachother for years after that. Mitch told him our problem and asked him to dial the number for us, which he did. It worked! We got through! However.... after the call Mitch was totally unsure if it had been communicated clearly that we were actually at the airport and waiting to be picked up. Our new buddy must have sensed this because he said, "Do you want me to call him back and make sure he understands?" Yes, please. And within ten minutes we had met Ivinge, the adoption attorney/adoption tour guide extraordinaire! A smile for miles and the nicest man you'll ever meet. His driver, on the other hand.... let's just say he had a very stern demeanor.....
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Beauty of Enormous Things
I've been a little bit down lately. Things like the wait of this adoption process and some tough conversations have weighed on me and made me whiny. And I don't like it.
So, it has become necessary (again) to mark my ebenezers and write down all the things I can think of that this journey has brought our way. Things that couldn't have happened without it.
Here goes.
1. Crazy, awesome, astounding and miraculous way we landed on Children of the Promise in Haiti, and subsequently our two amazing kiddos, C and L. See below for the seriously unbelievable way we and our friends "found" the same little girl in Haiti and how, because of her, there are four orphans that will have families now :).
2. New besties. There are people I have met through adopting that I would not have met any other way. People that I love and care about deeply and consider some of my best friends. These are people I did not know a year ago that seriously love me and give the kind of support and encouragement (and sometimes a much needed, "get over yourself") that only they can provide.
3. Coins and dollars and haircuts and concerts. We are completely humbled at how many people have collected money in "adoption jars," cut our hair for free, donated large sums of money to defray our adoption costs, and offered to give of their time and talents to help us bring C and L home. In the process we have learned to receive with joy and see that it does take a village to bring these two home. And the village is here and willing!
4. Dependence on God. I know that sounds like the "right" thing to say, but it's true. Sadly, if there were more things we could actually do to bring the kids home, I'm afraid we'd just do them and work in our own power and totally miss some of the above awesomeness. Don't think I'm at a point of saying I'm grateful for the wait---but it is true that I can see the value and the gift in it. Without being put in such a position of feeling helpless, I don't think we would go to the One who is our help, strength and source nearly as much or with such desperation.
5. Seeing God as the master story writer. The sheer number of "coincidences" in this story He's writing with our lives is shocking. It feels like everything and everyone is connected with such purpose now.
Sometimes this process and this raising of lots of kids feels too hard and I wonder what God was thinking when He asked us to do it. But then I think about all of the above. His hand is all over everything and there is no doubt in my mind that we are saying "yes" to the God of it all.
This story is only beginning....
So, it has become necessary (again) to mark my ebenezers and write down all the things I can think of that this journey has brought our way. Things that couldn't have happened without it.
Here goes.
1. Crazy, awesome, astounding and miraculous way we landed on Children of the Promise in Haiti, and subsequently our two amazing kiddos, C and L. See below for the seriously unbelievable way we and our friends "found" the same little girl in Haiti and how, because of her, there are four orphans that will have families now :).
2. New besties. There are people I have met through adopting that I would not have met any other way. People that I love and care about deeply and consider some of my best friends. These are people I did not know a year ago that seriously love me and give the kind of support and encouragement (and sometimes a much needed, "get over yourself") that only they can provide.
3. Coins and dollars and haircuts and concerts. We are completely humbled at how many people have collected money in "adoption jars," cut our hair for free, donated large sums of money to defray our adoption costs, and offered to give of their time and talents to help us bring C and L home. In the process we have learned to receive with joy and see that it does take a village to bring these two home. And the village is here and willing!
4. Dependence on God. I know that sounds like the "right" thing to say, but it's true. Sadly, if there were more things we could actually do to bring the kids home, I'm afraid we'd just do them and work in our own power and totally miss some of the above awesomeness. Don't think I'm at a point of saying I'm grateful for the wait---but it is true that I can see the value and the gift in it. Without being put in such a position of feeling helpless, I don't think we would go to the One who is our help, strength and source nearly as much or with such desperation.
5. Seeing God as the master story writer. The sheer number of "coincidences" in this story He's writing with our lives is shocking. It feels like everything and everyone is connected with such purpose now.
Sometimes this process and this raising of lots of kids feels too hard and I wonder what God was thinking when He asked us to do it. But then I think about all of the above. His hand is all over everything and there is no doubt in my mind that we are saying "yes" to the God of it all.
This story is only beginning....
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