To Haiti And Back: Part 3

We landed and made our way into the little airport-- with air conditioning that felt GREAT!.  As we exited through the front, we saw one of the staff members from COTP on the other side of the gate.  We recognized him from the COTP site pictures and were relieved that he was there and waiting for us.

After introductions, we hopped into the COTP pickup truck and started on the bumpy journey to see the kids.  We spent most of the time talking with Adam and getting updated on the goings on at COTP.  He explained that they were having an all staff meeting at the moment, so the short term volunteers were in charge of all the kids.  He also cautioned us that Cyndi and Lou should not know that we are their parents.  Cyndi, especially, is very perceptive and we would need to be extremely careful to not let on that we have a special bond to her and Lou.  I knew that would be really difficult for us when all we really wanted to do was scoop them up and tell them how much we love them!  That we were coming for them as soon as we are able and that they have a whole family that cannot wait to meet them and love them, too.

Adam took us on a tour of the compound after we arrived.  We got a little bit oriented to the place and were able to meet a couple of staff members whom we had received updates from over the past year.  What a sweet gift to be able to hug their necks and thank them for taking pictures, writing updates, and loving our kids! 

Eventually we went over to the baby house and entered through the large gates.  There were about 40 children there, but the face we saw first was also a gift.  As we walked in, Natalie turned around and looked straight at us.  Natalie, who's face led us to this place a year ago.  Natalie, our friends' daughter.  Just like God to have her precious face to be the first one we saw when entering through those gates :)  I honestly can't remember the exact moments that we saw our two for the first time.  There were so very many faces all at once...

The baby house is hard.  It's loud and there's lots of crying and saggy, leaky diapers.  The short term volunteers were doing their best to entertain and console the little ones, while the big ones (including Cyndi) were scaling the gates and letting themselves out repeatedly. At one point they found a pile of uncooked black beans.  Cyndi grabbed up most of them and then handed them out, two by two, to other children and to us.  It was so fun (and a little scary!) to see her strong personality coming through as she was the clear leader in the bunch.  I held two children almost all the time and felt so powerless when they would cry immediately after I had to put them down.  Lou did this, too, and it broke my heart that I couldn't just cuddle him and take him out of those gates with and be his mama.  I saw some things that I've read about and feared for them as far as attachment goes.  And I just wanted to get on with it--- help them attach to us.  But instead I found myself needing to keep distance from them because it was too hard to not treat them differently.  Cyndi, especially, seemed like she was sizing us up.  After a few hours of time with all the kids, I just had to get out and take a break.

The grounds are beautiful with a huge mango tree right in the middle.  We were given a nice bedroom, with our own bathroom, to stay in overnight.  In the evening we ate with the staff, then headed to the baby house to help with brushing teeth.  Cyndi was riding a tricycle around and started running into people.  I kindly asked her to stop and she gave me the biggest glare!  We are seriously in trouble.  I got glares and the cold shoulder from her for about 20 minutes after that!

On this night the kids watched some videos before bed and then was prayer and singing with the nannies.  It was very fun to hear the nannies singing in Creole, along with the kids and staff.  How I wish I knew Creole!  (I'm working on it...)  The children went to their rooms for bed and we went back to the volunteer house, wishing with everything that they were coming with us to our room instead of sleeping on their plastic cots.  We spent a little time talking with the staff and short term volunteers and then  headed to bed ourselves.  I was totally exhausted emotionally, and slept really well.  My good husband, however, told me in the morning that he heard the voodoo drums from the village during the night and couldn't quite get back to sleep after that.

The next day we spent more time with the many of the children.  You guys, Cyndi and Lou are just amazing.  Lou is a snuggler who has his thumb in his mouth almost all the time.  We now wonder if he wasn't feeling well while we were there because he did not want to play much--- which let me enjoy holding him close for a good, long while.  Cyndi is smart and beautiful and full of sass.  We were able to play with her and some of the older children on the playground and marveled at their resourcefulness in playing with whatever items were available to them.  Wow.  It's harder than I thought to write about the kids......  I guess I'll just say that we are completely overwhelmed that we get to be their parents.  We are honored at the privelege.  You will all get to someday see what we are talking about.....you will absolutely fall in love with them :)

It was our joy to spend a couple of hours with the special needs children, helping to feed them and participate in their stretching routines and interactive time with their nannies.  One little boy, in particular, had already captured us before we got there-- and it was wonderful and heartbreaking to get to help care for him.  These kids need families, and therapy, and medication, and services that would be theirs if only they were born in a different country....We left even more committed to praying and fundraising and advocating for these lovelies. 

We didn't say goodbye to our kids.  In fact we spent the last couple of hours at the compound with the staff rather than the children.  It was just too hard for us to be with them and not be their parents.  It's hard to explain.  The time came to get into the tap tap (back of a pickup with little benches to sit on) and ride back to the little airport.  It wasn't as hard as I thought it might be to leave those gates and the kids behind.  In retrospect, I think I put the kids in a "box" in my mind.  My way of coping, I guess.  I didn't break down until the next day at the US Embassy.

There are many more details and fun stories that I could tell.  But for today, as I write this, I just can't.  Putting our trip into words, finally, has me a little weary of this journey.  We could still have many months to wait, and it's not a surprise to us.  Going into this process, it was made clear that it could take a couple of years.  I can see glimpses of the wisdom God has in this wait at times.  There are ways our family has needed to change, and grow, and be stretched.  Ways that will better equip us to be Cyndi and Lou's family.  I can't claim to understand why our children need to live in an orphanage while we are ready and waiting for them here.  But I DO trust that there is some kind of plan.  I have to believe that.

I do know that the kids are healthy and safe within the care of Children of the Promise.  I know they are amazing and that one day we will get to bring that amazing-ness into our family!  The weight of that joy and responsibility can threaten to overwhelm us at times, so the only place to go is to our great God who really does provide for our every need, and gives wisdom when we ask.  And believe me, there's been a lot of asking lately...