What Comes Next: Part I

Adoption will make you think about things. Things that you never really considered much and would maybe prefer not to dwell on. Our family has spent about two years in the process of adopting over the past three years. It gives you a lot of time to think….

Our belief in Jesus and attempt to follow him make it an absolute that we will do what we can to “care for orphans and widows in their distress.” So far for us, that has meant adopting. We adopted one of our little guys as an infant, here in the States. We spent some time with his birthmother and her daughter. We heard her story firsthand about why she was placing him in our family. I stood next to her while she whispered, “He needs a daddy,” as we watched the hospital photographer take pictures of Mitch and the baby that felt like he belonged to us all… It took me months to really feel like his mama and to not think about his birthmother every single time I studied his face. I grieved for her loss, which was our great gain.

Our next two children came to us from Haiti. The process was long and a bit unconventional as far as the kids being placed in the care center. One of our children was there since infancy, and the other only placed after a family was found to adopt them both. We asked many questions before accepting a referral. Was every attempt made to keep them with their birthmother? Does she understand this is permanent? Are you SURE this is what she wants for them? The answers were given and we felt peace about accepting the referral for our daughter and son. As much as “peace” can be mixed with grief and anger at injustice, and guilt about our ability to choose to be these kids’ mama and daddy….We brought the kids home eight months ago. And not a day goes by that I don’t think about their birthmother.

Orphan care. It means so much more than adopting. As we have struggled and shouted and cried through this messy/beautiful, our family has been convinced and convicted. We are convinced that our three “littles” needed to be adopted. Had intervention been in place for their birthmothers years before their births, the outcome may have been different. But for these kids, at this time….. it is the right thing for them to be in a family—OUR family. And we are so very blessed!

But we were also convicted about a year into our Haitian adoptions. My husband could give you the precise dollar amount and probably a good estimate on the time invested to pursue adopting. And all of it – every last bit--- completely and totally worth it! This is a topic for another post, but I think there is much good that can come from an adoption process costing us time and money and lots of it.

We were convicted, however, that this call to care for the oppressed, for the widow and orphan…. It’s a both/and type of thing. There are women right now that absolutely need to have the choice to place their children in a family other than their own. And I honor that decision. There are children right now that are legally free to be adopted, both here and abroad. There is a need for parents to adopt. Now.

But we cannot ignore that there are things to be done before a mother or child get to that point. So through our adoptions we have talked with people “on the ground,” read many books on the matter, engaged in difficult conversations, and prayed a whole lot. And we believe that God is asking us to invest as much time and money into orphan PREVENTION as we have invested into bringing our three children into our families.

More to come on what that will look like for our family and how you can help….