Tired But Not Destroyed

This may not be the best day to update a blog, but the 3 big kids are busy watching a movie and little one is napping, so no time like the present. Our beautiful boy is four weeks old today! Already! The stinker kept me up for at least two hours straight last night, all wide-eyed and gassy smiles (him, not me). And I AM TIRED.
A was born right at the beginning of summer vacation for the big kids, which has also presented some challenges and I suspect has added to my foul mood at times. Wow. That sounds kind of horrible to say/type. I think that having a newborn while simultaneously trying to adjust everyone to a new routine (or lack thereof if I'm honest) has not been one of my shining moments as a parent. Sigh. I really wish I was one of those moms who just loves summer vacation with their kids because they get to just play and hang out at the pool and eat popsicles and sleep in. I am definitely not there yet. My typical summer day has consisted of trying to keep the boys from killing each other, trying to explain to my eight year old that no, I am NOT lying to him just because plans change, and if we're lucky reminding the kids to practice their piano and do their chores. Oh yeah, and also trying to get A on a schedule while still getting the big kids to swimming lessons and playdates. I have had some times of panic when I realize I don't really have anything planned as far as activities go for the next while. And I'm looking forward to going back to work a couple of days a week....

I don't THINK the above makes me a bad mom. Truly I love all those little rugrats and would give both arms and legs for them if it ever proved necessary. Sometimes I'm feeling that I can't really complain about this, though, now that we've had our fourth child. I mean, we chose to have this many kids for heaven's sakes! To complain about how it can be exhausting seems....well....kind of wrong. And like I'd get a lot of "I told you so" looks, or at least "I thought you'd feel that way after you had him" looks. So I'll just complain via blog and then all of you who might be reading this can give your disapproving looks to your computer screen instead :).

And I'm brought back to the message our pastor gave that started this whole business of us adopting...he said that sometimes following God rather than our own plans can be excruciating. Excruciating. Again feel a little like a mom is not supposed to say that about parenting....but...

Insert that song "I Will Survive." You know, the one that someone ALWAYS sings at karaoke? Granted all of the words do not apply. Really only the chorus. And actually I will do more than survive; I'm just being a whiner. There are the moments in every day that are just plain great. Moments where I think that I made some good decisions, did some good parenting, and have totally amazing kids! And moments where I can see that adopting A was completely right and good. Love that little munchkin. :)

A bit of awesome news: A's birthmama is now out of the shelter and in an apartment with her daughter! She already found a job and is making some good decisions to get life back on track. I can't explain how happy this makes us. This week I'm sending her the first set of pictures and a letter updating her on how A is doing....

Wow. I'm kind of babbling again and this is turning into a very long post. Lots more thoughts swirling around in the brain. But I will stop since my loving and lovely hubby just suggested that it's my turn to take a nap! Only a fool would refuse that...