It hit me again this past week. Our little/growing family is tremendously blessed to be surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses/family/friends who support and love us in very tangible ways. My birthday was this past Wednesday. Not only did my sister offer to have our daughter for the afternoon, but so did my mother-in-law. Sister won (or did mother-in-law...hmmmm). I had a wonderful afternoon perusing the bookstore and being all introverted. Loved it. Thursday I took the afternoon off of work. While I was putzing around getting some housewifey things done at home, my dad was busily building shelves in our storage area. On Friday I had to leave town for a work thing. A friend happily agreed to have daughter in the afternoon, taking her to the boys' school at 3 where my mom gathered them all and took them to her house until M could pick them up after work. Since I was going to be gone on Saturday, I was sensing that M would be stressed with 3 soccer games, 2 birthday parties, and picking up our co-op food as a single parent. Didn't think twice about asking our twenty-something buddy to be his man-wife for the day and help out. He wasn't able to because he was working, but totally would have otherwise. (And for the record, the hubs did a FAB job with the kids and soccer and parties and all!) Today we got to hang out with one of my brothers and his family. They have so very generously loaned us some interest free dollars so we can swing this adoption. My other brother and his wife have been in near daily contact with us over the past couple of months as we go through this adoption process together. They are planning to adopt soon, too! And just now, while putting our kiddos to bed, twenty-something buddy did our dishes. Again. For like the thousanth time.
So, litte baby boy of ours, it has nothing to do with your dad and I, but you are one lucky dude to be joining this fantabulous village of family and friends! We love you already and can't wait to meet you!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
First Date
That's a little how it felt. We were matched with C on Monday and had our first phone conversation with her yesterday morning. The time was set and M and I were nervous but excited to meet the woman who is giving our boy life! The jitters beforehand were not unlike what I remember (loooooonnnnnnggggg ago) when waiting for M to call in the early dating time. What if I say something stupid? What if she doesn't like us after all? We were definitely relieved that our wonderful social worker would be on the phone with us to smoothe things over if it got awkward (too bad THAT wasn't available for dating situations..) We finally got the conference call all worked out with all of us on the line. C started to talk and humbled us greatly by, right off, assuring us that she was firm in her decision to place the baby and that we didn't need to worry that she would change her mind. She asked us if we were ready, and if we had chosen a name, and what our other children thought of all this. She seemed more concerned about us than herself. When I asked who would be with her in the hospital my heart broke for her. She said that possibly her 14 year old daughter would be with her, but most likely she would be alone. I can't imagine going through labor and deliver alone. I felt weird about saying it, but told her that if she wanted me to, and if we could make it to Indiana on time, I would love to support her through the delivery. She's thinking about it. We were so delighted to hear that she really wants her other 5 children to meet us at the hospital! I so hope that she'll feel comfortable with us taking some pictures of them. I know our boy will treasure that in years to come. A lot more was said and we are hoping a lot more will be expressed in future conversations. C has a doctor's appointment on Monday and will ask if he will induce her a little early! Hopefully we can have a better idea on the date and make it in time for the delivery. We are so excited to meet our littlest boy......Asher! (Did anyone guess?)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Happy and Blessed
Yesterday morning was rough. Our three year old had been vomiting since 2 a.m. My husband, being the stats lover that he is, counted. 12 times from 2 a.m. to 8 :45 a.m. Needless to say, none of the three of us got any sleep. Generally when the kids are sick on days both M and I work, he gets to stay home with them. It's hard for me to skip work because I always have a full schedule of patients to see, some of whom have already waited a long time to get in. Normally I'm pretty ok with leaving a vomiting child to go be with adults doing what I love....but yesterday I was just plain exhausted and felt a little like I should be the one to stay home and cuddle with my daughter. And then there was the added undercurrent of stress, knowing that two birthmoms would make a decision that day after reading our profile over the weekend. Admittedly, I was pretty crabby.
When we hadn't heard any news from the agency by mid-morning, I called and left a message for one of the caseworkers and e-mailed the other. My hope that maybe we had been chosen was getting less by the hour. But then she called. First thing she said was, "Guess what?" I think in my near-comatose/post venti latte buzzed state I just couldn't really believe what she was saying right off! The birthmom in Indiana chose us. She's excited about us, in fact!
It's only just hitting me today. We have a baby boy that will be born in about a month. A woman just a little younger than me, with 5 children already, thinks that we will do a good job raising her little boy. Even now it makes me smile and cry at the same time. We are so excited! And terrified. And nervous. And hoping we can stand up under the weight of all that adoption brings, both glorious and excruciating.
I so much want to share our baby's name with everyone. My wise husband, however, wants to wait and be sure that baby's birthmom (that sounds SOOO impersonal now...but for privacy's sake won't use her name)doesn't have any negative associations with it first. We get to meet her by phone on Thursday morning. My mind is racing with questions I want to ask her. And I want her to like us! Anyway, if she is supportive, we will officially announce our baby boy's name on Thursday afternoon :-) Until then....the teaser is the title of this post. Google away, my friends!
When we hadn't heard any news from the agency by mid-morning, I called and left a message for one of the caseworkers and e-mailed the other. My hope that maybe we had been chosen was getting less by the hour. But then she called. First thing she said was, "Guess what?" I think in my near-comatose/post venti latte buzzed state I just couldn't really believe what she was saying right off! The birthmom in Indiana chose us. She's excited about us, in fact!
It's only just hitting me today. We have a baby boy that will be born in about a month. A woman just a little younger than me, with 5 children already, thinks that we will do a good job raising her little boy. Even now it makes me smile and cry at the same time. We are so excited! And terrified. And nervous. And hoping we can stand up under the weight of all that adoption brings, both glorious and excruciating.
I so much want to share our baby's name with everyone. My wise husband, however, wants to wait and be sure that baby's birthmom (that sounds SOOO impersonal now...but for privacy's sake won't use her name)doesn't have any negative associations with it first. We get to meet her by phone on Thursday morning. My mind is racing with questions I want to ask her. And I want her to like us! Anyway, if she is supportive, we will officially announce our baby boy's name on Thursday afternoon :-) Until then....the teaser is the title of this post. Google away, my friends!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
It's Not You, It's Us
In a weird way, this whole process feels like speed dating. Birthmothers are presented with some pictures and a little information about our family in the form of a profile we put together, and we are given a little information about the birthmom. Then, in a matter of a couple of days, you are either "a match," or not. We have now been looked at by 3 birthmothers and not chosen by any of them. When one doesn't choose us, there is another ready to look at our profile. Speed dating. Admittedly, by the third time, we have felt a little bit of self pity, what's wrong with us, and feelings of doubt about this whole idea. Maybe we're not supposed to do this.
Then God and some good people step in to give us needed words of encouragement and "we've been there" and "chin up!" We know our baby is already known by God, likely being "knit together in his (or her) mother's womb" right now. The three babies whose birthmothers did not choose us are simply not ours and never were meant to be. So in the mean time we will try to be patient, enjoy sleeping through the night, and participate in a little more speed dating before we get to meet our newest member of the family.
Then God and some good people step in to give us needed words of encouragement and "we've been there" and "chin up!" We know our baby is already known by God, likely being "knit together in his (or her) mother's womb" right now. The three babies whose birthmothers did not choose us are simply not ours and never were meant to be. So in the mean time we will try to be patient, enjoy sleeping through the night, and participate in a little more speed dating before we get to meet our newest member of the family.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Gift
They came today only 2 days after I ordered them online! Over the weekend, one of my goals was to find some type of gift for the yet-to-be-determined birthmother of our child. What does one give as a thank you for the gift of a child? The task seemed overwhelming, but I knew I wanted something to express our gratitude and love to the woman that gave our baby life. It did seem a little weird to be ordering something when we have not been matched yet...But the reality that we could be matched very quickly with a birthmom that could be due any day made me want to have something in hand, ready for that moment.
What I finally found, after probably cumulative hours of looking, was a necklace. It is simple and beautiful, consisting of two silver circles intertwined. I decided to get two. One is for me and one is for the birthmom. To me, these necklaces symbolize the way our lives will forever be intertwined through our child, no matter what type of contact we have with her in the future.
I have no idea if our birthmom will like or appreciate this gift. We know nothing about her yet. I feel a sense of relief, however, that even if we were called tomorrow, matched with a baby born that same day, I would have something special to give our birthmom. And I really hope she does like it.
What I finally found, after probably cumulative hours of looking, was a necklace. It is simple and beautiful, consisting of two silver circles intertwined. I decided to get two. One is for me and one is for the birthmom. To me, these necklaces symbolize the way our lives will forever be intertwined through our child, no matter what type of contact we have with her in the future.
I have no idea if our birthmom will like or appreciate this gift. We know nothing about her yet. I feel a sense of relief, however, that even if we were called tomorrow, matched with a baby born that same day, I would have something special to give our birthmom. And I really hope she does like it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
It's Already Taking A Village
Since we decided to adopt, Mitch and I have had many times when we look at each other and say, "What are we thinking?" If we didn't feel so strongly that this is God's plan and not ours, we might just bag the whole thing. I mean, our three kids overwhelm us at times. Adding a fourth? We might be nuts.
But here's the thing: We have a village. Take our oldest son's birthday party this past weekend. We planned to have 17 boys ages 5-8 to our house, then take them to a dinosaur park that is 45 minutes away. It seemed to take all our might just to get the silly evite out in time, figure out the guest list, and sort of plan the cake (a dinosaur era timeline....long story). So by the time the actual party day rolled around, we still hadn't solidified which grownups would 1)drive all those kids to the park, 2) be willing to also keep track of them with us at said park and 3) lend us kid hauling vehicles to drive said kids to said park. Very last minute we made a few calls and ended up with one grandma's minivan, sister's suburban, other grandma driving and lending minivan, and twenty-something bachelor friend agreeing to drive and kid-wrangle. Oh, yeah. We also needed to get rid of the three year old, so sent her with suburban-lending sister.
The party was GREAT! Oldest son loved it and we didn't even lose one kid. Our village came through with flying colors.....again. And since the party (only 3 days ago,) there have already been more instances where we've been bailed out by the village.
Sometimes we feel guilty that running our family requires this village. It can feel like we aren't good enough parents to keep it all afloat on our own. But we are deeply grateful all in the same breath. Our family is so much better for the village! So here's a shout out to our village people. You know who you are and we hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated. Speaking of the village, kid 2 and 3 are being dropped off by grandma as we speak.....
But here's the thing: We have a village. Take our oldest son's birthday party this past weekend. We planned to have 17 boys ages 5-8 to our house, then take them to a dinosaur park that is 45 minutes away. It seemed to take all our might just to get the silly evite out in time, figure out the guest list, and sort of plan the cake (a dinosaur era timeline....long story). So by the time the actual party day rolled around, we still hadn't solidified which grownups would 1)drive all those kids to the park, 2) be willing to also keep track of them with us at said park and 3) lend us kid hauling vehicles to drive said kids to said park. Very last minute we made a few calls and ended up with one grandma's minivan, sister's suburban, other grandma driving and lending minivan, and twenty-something bachelor friend agreeing to drive and kid-wrangle. Oh, yeah. We also needed to get rid of the three year old, so sent her with suburban-lending sister.
The party was GREAT! Oldest son loved it and we didn't even lose one kid. Our village came through with flying colors.....again. And since the party (only 3 days ago,) there have already been more instances where we've been bailed out by the village.
Sometimes we feel guilty that running our family requires this village. It can feel like we aren't good enough parents to keep it all afloat on our own. But we are deeply grateful all in the same breath. Our family is so much better for the village! So here's a shout out to our village people. You know who you are and we hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated. Speaking of the village, kid 2 and 3 are being dropped off by grandma as we speak.....
Friday, March 26, 2010
Deja Vu
I was kind of neurotic on Tuesday. The agency website lists "available situations" of babies that are to be born soon and have not been matched yet. On Tuesday there was a baby listed that was born on Sunday at 31 weeks gestation. He was doing well, but expected to be in the NICU for 4-5 more weeks. I couldn't get a hold of Mitch, so just decided to call the agency for more information and to tell them we were interested in this situation if the birth mother would be interested in us! Well......after 3 phone calls and 2 e-mails to two different people, I was frustrated. I mean how long does it take to quickly return an e-mail, right? THEY were the ones that put this baby's information on the website, actively looking for a family, right?
Then an e-mail and a phone call yesterday put me in my place. As it happens, the premature baby situation is very tricky as the birth mom spent 2 weeks in the hospital pre-delivery and without insurance. The hospital bill is very high (like $50,000) and in most adoptive cases, the adoptive family pays the medical bills of the birthmother. The social workers at the agency have been very busy trying to work this out as it would be extremely difficult to find adoptive parents that could afford this in addition to the regular adoption costs.....
The team at the agency ALSO had another mom deliver early this week and are working on finding placements for about 8 other babies. Additionally, a woman walked in to the agency yesterday with her 4 month old son, desiring to place him for adoption.
The crew at Heart to Heart has been BUSY. Understatement. And they DO care and apologized for not getting back to me sooner.....boy did I feel dumb. God bless these people for what they do every day. Can't imagine the emotions of it all.
So at the end of my phone conversation, the social worker asked if she could show our profile to a woman with a baby girl due on April 14!! Like less than 3 weeks. And then said that the EARLIEST they might induce is April 1st!! Like next week! Wowsas. Of course I said yes, please show our profile and now we are having a waiting weekend again....trying not to get hopes up, yet thinking it's possible we could have a baby in a week or two. So do I start getting things, girl things, ready? Do I just play it cool and wait to hear if she's chosen us before doing anything? I've pretty much decided to wait. But that doesn't stop me from getting attached to yet another birthmom and baby--not to mention her other daughter, who is five. I hurt for these sisters who will not grow up together and hope that whomever the adoptive family is, somehow a healthy relationship of some sort can be maintained. At five years old I'm sure the child has some thoughts on mom having a baby and baby going to live with another family....It's these kinds of things that are keeping me distracted and causing me to become choked up at random times.
What a journey adoption is. Despite all the heart-hurt things about it all, I know that we will be very glad we started down this road. More news on Monday!
Then an e-mail and a phone call yesterday put me in my place. As it happens, the premature baby situation is very tricky as the birth mom spent 2 weeks in the hospital pre-delivery and without insurance. The hospital bill is very high (like $50,000) and in most adoptive cases, the adoptive family pays the medical bills of the birthmother. The social workers at the agency have been very busy trying to work this out as it would be extremely difficult to find adoptive parents that could afford this in addition to the regular adoption costs.....
The team at the agency ALSO had another mom deliver early this week and are working on finding placements for about 8 other babies. Additionally, a woman walked in to the agency yesterday with her 4 month old son, desiring to place him for adoption.
The crew at Heart to Heart has been BUSY. Understatement. And they DO care and apologized for not getting back to me sooner.....boy did I feel dumb. God bless these people for what they do every day. Can't imagine the emotions of it all.
So at the end of my phone conversation, the social worker asked if she could show our profile to a woman with a baby girl due on April 14!! Like less than 3 weeks. And then said that the EARLIEST they might induce is April 1st!! Like next week! Wowsas. Of course I said yes, please show our profile and now we are having a waiting weekend again....trying not to get hopes up, yet thinking it's possible we could have a baby in a week or two. So do I start getting things, girl things, ready? Do I just play it cool and wait to hear if she's chosen us before doing anything? I've pretty much decided to wait. But that doesn't stop me from getting attached to yet another birthmom and baby--not to mention her other daughter, who is five. I hurt for these sisters who will not grow up together and hope that whomever the adoptive family is, somehow a healthy relationship of some sort can be maintained. At five years old I'm sure the child has some thoughts on mom having a baby and baby going to live with another family....It's these kinds of things that are keeping me distracted and causing me to become choked up at random times.
What a journey adoption is. Despite all the heart-hurt things about it all, I know that we will be very glad we started down this road. More news on Monday!
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