p.s.

C and I also had the bonding experience of firing our attorney today. He was a real jerk and not compassionate at all. In a weird way it was kind of fun to see each other get all riled up. Trusting that God will work this part of it out, too.

Processing the Process

Today is a day I'll remember forever. One of those firsts that you tell your kids about; and I'll be telling one of our kids about it for very special reasons. Today is the day that I met Asher's birthmama for the first time. Let me tell you, she is gorgeous and funny and opinionated and outspoken and very, very brave. My mom would refer to her as "a little spitfire," which she has been known to call me, too. Maybe that's why C and I got along so well. There are so many things that I learned about C today---many of which I will save for my son and tell him when the time is right. Some things I learned were painful to hear and some were just fun details. I learned that he has been kicking hard for many months, even waking her up at night! She warned me that we should watch out since he likely has her personality :). I found out that she loves buffalo wings and french fries as she ordered both today at lunch---with extra blue cheese dressing. Her teenaged daughter is giving her some trouble, mostly with the clothing she chooses and "talking back." She is "15 going on 30." Her 10 year old daughter is the perceptive one and is getting a bike for her birthday. The three younger boys are a handful---always want to be outside and very physically active :). I gave her the necklace that matches the one I am wearing right now. C immediately put it on and gave me a hug, and we talked about it's symbolism. She reiterated to me her desire to have me in the delivery room (!) and that while she wants to hold the baby and have at least a few pictures with him, he is ours. She wants US to be the ones that bond with him immediately. I will pick her up and take her to her doctor's appointment this Friday at which point these two unlikely new friends will beg the poor man to induce her labor. (yes, I know the risks and down side to that, but there are reasons I'm not sharing with all y'all that this would be a good thing!) If he resists our attempted coercion, I will get to take her and the kids to lunch and maybe the park on Saturday. Mitch arrives on Sunday and I can't wait to joyfully introduce him to my new friend.

There is much more. I am still processing and feeling a bit drained emotionally. Some of the "more" will come out later, but some will be reserved only for my precious baby. For now this "little spitfire" is so grateful to have met another and blessed that our lives will forever be linked through Asher.

Gratitude

I spent my first full day in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, today. Our baby is not due for nearly 2 weeks, but we decided I would come here to wait. C has so very graciously decided to allow me in the delivery room with her---an opportunity I do not want to miss! Since her labor is always very quick, there would be no way for us to make it to Ft. Wayne in time if we waited in Salt Lake for her to call us when she is in labor. So I have hunkered down at the Candlewood Suites and am familiarizing myself with Ft. Wayne.

It's funny how God works. Since I work half time and am a mom of three, I rarely am by myself for more than a few hours. Now I find myself in a city where I don't know anyone, by myself, with who knows how much time on my hands before Asher is born. In trying to think of ways to be productive while away from home (I am my mother's daughter, after all), I decided that I'd get my hair cut today. Not sure what anyone did before the internet! I was able to find a great salon on line about 5 minutes from my hotel. Since I'm not pressed for time (weird feeling), I just drove to the salon and walked in, assuming I'd need to schedule for later in the week. As it turned out, the salon had just finished up a staff meeting early, so about 5 of them were just waiting for their first appointments to arrive! A stylist named Sandra took me right back and gave me a glorious haircut with sassy bangs that I just love :-) More than that, however, we had a great conversation. Sandra is African American and, admittedly, I was a little nervous on what her opinion might be on us adopting an African American child. As always seems the case, a hair appointment turns into therapy. She was wonderful, encouraging, affirming, and gave great tips on caring for AA hair! (I did confess to her that I was a little relieved when I found out we're having a boy as keeping up with AA girl hair seems a lot harder!) Sandra was yet another great person placed in my path to let us know that we are doing the right thing. As I left, she made me promise to return to the salon after Asher is born so she can meet him. I will definitely take her up on that!

The Village: Part 2

It hit me again this past week. Our little/growing family is tremendously blessed to be surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses/family/friends who support and love us in very tangible ways. My birthday was this past Wednesday. Not only did my sister offer to have our daughter for the afternoon, but so did my mother-in-law. Sister won (or did mother-in-law...hmmmm). I had a wonderful afternoon perusing the bookstore and being all introverted. Loved it. Thursday I took the afternoon off of work. While I was putzing around getting some housewifey things done at home, my dad was busily building shelves in our storage area. On Friday I had to leave town for a work thing. A friend happily agreed to have daughter in the afternoon, taking her to the boys' school at 3 where my mom gathered them all and took them to her house until M could pick them up after work. Since I was going to be gone on Saturday, I was sensing that M would be stressed with 3 soccer games, 2 birthday parties, and picking up our co-op food as a single parent. Didn't think twice about asking our twenty-something buddy to be his man-wife for the day and help out. He wasn't able to because he was working, but totally would have otherwise. (And for the record, the hubs did a FAB job with the kids and soccer and parties and all!) Today we got to hang out with one of my brothers and his family. They have so very generously loaned us some interest free dollars so we can swing this adoption. My other brother and his wife have been in near daily contact with us over the past couple of months as we go through this adoption process together. They are planning to adopt soon, too! And just now, while putting our kiddos to bed, twenty-something buddy did our dishes. Again. For like the thousanth time.

So, litte baby boy of ours, it has nothing to do with your dad and I, but you are one lucky dude to be joining this fantabulous village of family and friends! We love you already and can't wait to meet you!

First Date

That's a little how it felt. We were matched with C on Monday and had our first phone conversation with her yesterday morning. The time was set and M and I were nervous but excited to meet the woman who is giving our boy life! The jitters beforehand were not unlike what I remember (loooooonnnnnnggggg ago) when waiting for M to call in the early dating time. What if I say something stupid? What if she doesn't like us after all? We were definitely relieved that our wonderful social worker would be on the phone with us to smoothe things over if it got awkward (too bad THAT wasn't available for dating situations..) We finally got the conference call all worked out with all of us on the line. C started to talk and humbled us greatly by, right off, assuring us that she was firm in her decision to place the baby and that we didn't need to worry that she would change her mind. She asked us if we were ready, and if we had chosen a name, and what our other children thought of all this. She seemed more concerned about us than herself. When I asked who would be with her in the hospital my heart broke for her. She said that possibly her 14 year old daughter would be with her, but most likely she would be alone. I can't imagine going through labor and deliver alone. I felt weird about saying it, but told her that if she wanted me to, and if we could make it to Indiana on time, I would love to support her through the delivery. She's thinking about it. We were so delighted to hear that she really wants her other 5 children to meet us at the hospital! I so hope that she'll feel comfortable with us taking some pictures of them. I know our boy will treasure that in years to come. A lot more was said and we are hoping a lot more will be expressed in future conversations. C has a doctor's appointment on Monday and will ask if he will induce her a little early! Hopefully we can have a better idea on the date and make it in time for the delivery. We are so excited to meet our littlest boy......Asher! (Did anyone guess?)

Happy and Blessed

Yesterday morning was rough. Our three year old had been vomiting since 2 a.m. My husband, being the stats lover that he is, counted. 12 times from 2 a.m. to 8 :45 a.m. Needless to say, none of the three of us got any sleep. Generally when the kids are sick on days both M and I work, he gets to stay home with them. It's hard for me to skip work because I always have a full schedule of patients to see, some of whom have already waited a long time to get in. Normally I'm pretty ok with leaving a vomiting child to go be with adults doing what I love....but yesterday I was just plain exhausted and felt a little like I should be the one to stay home and cuddle with my daughter. And then there was the added undercurrent of stress, knowing that two birthmoms would make a decision that day after reading our profile over the weekend. Admittedly, I was pretty crabby.

When we hadn't heard any news from the agency by mid-morning, I called and left a message for one of the caseworkers and e-mailed the other. My hope that maybe we had been chosen was getting less by the hour. But then she called. First thing she said was, "Guess what?" I think in my near-comatose/post venti latte buzzed state I just couldn't really believe what she was saying right off! The birthmom in Indiana chose us. She's excited about us, in fact!

It's only just hitting me today. We have a baby boy that will be born in about a month. A woman just a little younger than me, with 5 children already, thinks that we will do a good job raising her little boy. Even now it makes me smile and cry at the same time. We are so excited! And terrified. And nervous. And hoping we can stand up under the weight of all that adoption brings, both glorious and excruciating.

I so much want to share our baby's name with everyone. My wise husband, however, wants to wait and be sure that baby's birthmom (that sounds SOOO impersonal now...but for privacy's sake won't use her name)doesn't have any negative associations with it first. We get to meet her by phone on Thursday morning. My mind is racing with questions I want to ask her. And I want her to like us! Anyway, if she is supportive, we will officially announce our baby boy's name on Thursday afternoon :-) Until then....the teaser is the title of this post. Google away, my friends!

It's Not You, It's Us

In a weird way, this whole process feels like speed dating. Birthmothers are presented with some pictures and a little information about our family in the form of a profile we put together, and we are given a little information about the birthmom. Then, in a matter of a couple of days, you are either "a match," or not. We have now been looked at by 3 birthmothers and not chosen by any of them. When one doesn't choose us, there is another ready to look at our profile. Speed dating. Admittedly, by the third time, we have felt a little bit of self pity, what's wrong with us, and feelings of doubt about this whole idea. Maybe we're not supposed to do this.

Then God and some good people step in to give us needed words of encouragement and "we've been there" and "chin up!" We know our baby is already known by God, likely being "knit together in his (or her) mother's womb" right now. The three babies whose birthmothers did not choose us are simply not ours and never were meant to be. So in the mean time we will try to be patient, enjoy sleeping through the night, and participate in a little more speed dating before we get to meet our newest member of the family.